Governor Unveils "Missouri Plan" to Keep Royals and Chiefs—Because What's Better Than One Stalled Negotiation? Two! By Josiah Bechthold
Back in April, this lil rock wrote "Sources close to the negotiations reveal that the Clay Commissioners are prepared to go to great lengths to secure a deal, including offering the Royals free barbecue for life and unlimited access to the world's largest ball of twine located conveniently just outside of Excelsior Springs."
It appears we might have been right. In an eagerly awaited display of political theater, Mayor Quinton Lucas, along with officials from Clay County and North Kansas City will gather today to witness Governor Mike Parson unveil his grand "Missouri Plan." The aim? To keep the Kansas City Royals and the Kansas City Chiefs firmly rooted in Missouri. The plot twist? The Chiefs will remain in Jackson County, while the Royals will be shipped off to the greener pastures of Clay County. Because, naturally, nothing says "strategic planning" like rearranging deck chairs on the Titanic. However we suspect that most Missouri fans don't mind driving to Kansas especially if it means no extra taxes for us. There seems to be plenty of open area out by the Legends in the Dotte for a new stadium. Or let the rich people in JoCo fund it.
In a move that surprised absolutely no one, a certain Clay County Commissioner declared back in January that negotiations with the Royals were over. This announcement came amidst an uproar of taxpayer dissent, because who wouldn't want to fork over millions for a new stadium? But wait! Royals Representative Mike Nichols chimed in with a classic plot twist, declaring that the negotiations were merely "on hold." Ah, the old "we're not broken up, we're just on a break" maneuver.
The drama thickens with a letter from none other than Brooks Sherman to Clay County administrator Diana Wright, in which Sherman reassures that the Royals are simply working through a "competing opportunity" in Jackson County. Because why settle for one county's taxpayers' ire when you can have two? In a stroke of pure genius, Sherman also requested that Clay County keep all records closed until the saga reaches its thrilling conclusion. Transparency is so overrated.
And let's not forget the pièce de résistance: an eye-watering estimate from J.E. Dunn pegging the construction costs at a cool $484 million. Of course, Royals owner John Sherman expects Clay County taxpayers to bear a significant portion of this financial behemoth. Because if there's anything taxpayers love more than ballooning costs, it's being left in the dark about them.
Just when we thought the Clay County drama had reached its denouement, Commissioner Withington swoops in with a social media bombshell noting the governor's support for the Royals Clay move.
The Governor, it seems, is floating yet another plan to shuffle the Royals to Clay County. Because, clearly, the first failed negotiation wasn't entertaining enough.
So, grab your popcorn, folks. Today promises to be a riveting chapter in the ongoing saga of "How Many Ways Can We Stall a Stadium Deal?" Starring the Royals, the Chiefs, and in a supporting role Mayor Q-Ball and a cast of county officials who really should consider a career in reality TV.
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