Clay County, MO – It was the year of unparalleled triumph for the Clay County Commission, or so they would have us believe. In a self-congratulatory wrap-up, this lil rock notes a series of accomplishments that could almost make you forget there’s a difference between competence and checking boxes.
A Better Clay County: By the Numbers
Let’s unpack this list of "successes" that the commission enthusiastically shared, one checkbox at a time:
✅ Lowered our sole property tax rate:
A win for taxpayers! Or is it? While boasting about lowering the property tax rate, no mention was made of the corresponding hike in other fees or the strain on public services. But hey, it's not about what’s not said, right?
✅ Implemented Senior Property Tax freeze:
Translation: Seniors are relieved, but younger generations can brace themselves for future compensatory measures. It's like handing Grandma a blanket while the rest of the family gets the heating bill.
✅ Allocated nearly $50M in ARPA funding across the county:
When your budget boasts a pile of federal pandemic relief dollars, spending it isn’t exactly revolutionary. The word “allocated” sure is doing a lot of heavy lifting here—what, exactly, was the $50M spent on? Oh wait, that’s not the point; it’s about feeling good, not details.
✅ Implemented our 5-year road and bridge maintenance plan:
A five-year plan to maintain roads and bridges? What bold, groundbreaking governance! Next, they’ll take credit for making sure stop signs are red.
✅ Implemented voters approved 911 fee:
Kudos to the commission for implementing a fee that voters already demanded. The real heavy lifting must have been the paperwork.
✅ Began retrofitting our county jail:
Here’s to finally addressing the county’s outdated jail facilities—a problem that was urgent… five years ago. But hey, beginning the retrofit in 2024 counts as a victory if you squint hard enough.
✅ Kicked off a study on how to improve connectivity from Harlem KC to NKC and 9 HWY:
Because when it comes to infrastructure, nothing screams "progress" like a study. Forget actual improvements; we’ll just spend more time and money thinking about them.
Looking Ahead to 2025
We close this magnum opus with optimism about 2025. One can only imagine what future “achievements” might grace the next list:
- ✅ Declared “National Free Donut Day” a county holiday.
- ✅ Published a study on the feasibility of studies.
- ✅ Implemented a plan to implement plans.
So here’s to the Clay County Commission, making 2024 the year of performative governance and feel-good press releases. If this is what "A Better Clay County" looks like, 2025 promises to be just as inspiring—so long as you don't look too closely.
#thatsawrap indeed.
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